Is fear my friend?

It's race week again and time for the dreaded taper.  I wrote a post earlier this year before Escape from Alcatraz that I titled "Let Go or Be Dragged".  Feel free to go back and read it here:  http://motivationninja.blogspot.com/2013_02_01_archive.html  A lot of the same feelings are creeping in now.  The Chicago Marathon is Sunday and I had my last run last night. I have to be honest people, I am really sweating this race.  I am worried and I am scared.  This will be my first marathon (yeah, yeah, I know..but I'm telling you Ironman does NOT count!).

My longest run is 18 miles, and my long runs in general have been painful.  For those of you that are facebook friends or follow me on twitter (@MotivationNinja feel free to follow me) you remember after 16 miles I said "Marathons are stupid. That is all." That run hurt, and I was completely prepared to say "screw it" right then.  And I have to run 10.2 more than that. I'm not sure I'm prepared, I'm not sure I can actually run 26.2 miles all at once and I'm unable to let go.  This week I am being dragged.

I added to my own stress by imposing a time goal to meet.  I shouldn't have done it, and it's not smart, especially for my first marathon, but somehow I couldn't help it.  Now I'm sure everyone wants to know what that time goal is.  So, why not add even more pressure and put it out there for anyone who doesn't already know.  4:36:59.  Yeah, it seems like an odd number.  I read somewhere recently that the average US marathon time last year was 4 hours and 37 minutes.. That's an average pace of 10:34 per mile.  I know that on my 18 mile run, I averaged a 10:06 mile pace, so I figured, "Hey...that's doable!  I just want to be better than average!" Why?  I have no idea.  It makes no difference at the end of the day, and I'll get the same medal no matter when I finish.  I'm nowhere near fast enough to worry about placing in my age group, especially in what was the largest marathon in the world last year! But, that's what my mind does to me. So now, I get to sit here not only worried about finishing, but finishing in a certain time.

The one "redeeming" factor for this marathon is why I chose to do it.  Many of you know that we lost a friend and training partner in January when she was murdered by her soon to be ex-husband.  Some of us have dedicated out entire race season to Jenny by wearing pink compression socks at every race.  And several of us decided to run the Chicago Marathon this year for her.  She ran it last year and it was her last race. We even had shirts made.  Her nickname was "Peanut" and her favorite color was orange, so...

Anyway, wish me luck. If for any reason you want to follow this train wreck, here's a link that should help. https://register.athletetracking.net/bacm/index.html  My bib number is 49440.  You can choose to get updates to your phone, facebook, or twitter.  Go ahead, buy into the fear with me. It's gonna be great.

Gulp.