Have I done enough? Wouldn't "one more" long swim/spin/run help? Especially trying to prepare for a race on Sunday when snow is in the forecast today! This is not the first time I've trained for an event in March, but this is the first time I've tried to prepare for a race in early March while living through a Wisconsin winter! Ever tried an open water swim in Madison in February? Ask my patron saint how well that works... Saint Happenin! Almost every bike ride has been in a spin class or on my trainer (with the exception of commuting to work, and if you remember from a previous post, black ice causes crashes!) The only thing I've been able to do consistently outside is run, and while snow can be a reasonable substitute for the sand I'll experience in Escape from Alcatraz, ice often makes the run much more a core workout than one for the legs.
So, all of these doubts start to creep in. I haven't done a true open water swim in months. Can I even swim farther than 25 yards without pushing off the wall? Am I ready to fight the cold water temp, currents, and marine life (read SHARKS)?? How about the bike? I hear the hills are brutal in San Francisco, am I prepared for this after a winter of biking indoors? I'll be on a rental bike, not even my own trusted steed. What if it doesn't fit right? Or has a mechanical issue? And the run...oh the 8 mile Escape from Alcatraz run... including massive hills, sandy beach and the dreaded sand ladder? I've been running this winter, but am I really ready for this? Can I do it??
I begin to feel scared, nervous, and completely under prepared. Let's face it, this is one of the most challenging open water swims there is, and then I have to bike and run? But then, I take a moment and go back to the three fundamentals of alignment yoga: grounding, full commitment exhale, and relaxing the roof of my mouth. I then realize these feelings are exactly the reason I attempt these events. I love the challenge of conquering these fears. I know that once I get in the water for the swim, I'll have a moment of panic. It happens every time. A "what am I doing here? why am I doing this?" moment. But then, I relax, focusing on my swim strokes, feeling the water glide past me as I feel strong in the water. Exiting the swim and heading for transition trying to remember that smooth is fast. Getting on the bike and trying to find the perfect combination of pushing myself and staying comfortable so I have something left for the run. Completing the bike and starting out on the run trying to stay strong until my day takes me to the finish line. The challenges are what makes it fun and worth doing.
This time seems to be different, though. Maybe its because I've had to train through the winter in Wisconsin. Maybe it's because it is such an iconic race that (unless you're either a professional, or crazy fast) you have to win a lottery slot to even get in. Or, maybe it's because I know I'll have so many people cheering for me from so many places around the country. Friends, family, coworkers, Team in Training athletes and a host of others hoping I complete something that some of them want to do themselves, and others admire me for the effort.
It would be so easy to get caught up in the fear, worries, and anxiety. Instead, this week I have a new manta (mantra: a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of "creating transformation").
I am using this phrase to help me remember, this is not a race, it's an event. I don't want to feel fast, I'd rather feel strong. No matter what happens, I know I have trained enough to complete this event. It may not be my fastest time ever, but that's OK. I will take whatever the day gives me, and I will take it with gratitude. I will be grateful that I am healthy enough to compete. I will be grateful for an amazing venue and a beautiful course. I will be grateful for a course that tests me physically and mentally. Most of all, I will be grateful for all the people supporting me, cheering for me, and wishing me well. And, if the universe allows me to get to the finish at Marina Green, and successfully Escape from Alcatraz, I promise to cross that line with gratitude...and a burpee!
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